The Moist and the Dirty

I'm in Ohio, land of moist, hot air, hardly any environmental awareness, no personal safety laws, and my friend's wedding.

Some things here which differ from the Bay Area:

• People here don't wear helmets. You are free to smear yourself all over the freeways of Ohio if you fall off your motorcycle.
  
• You are allowed to shoot smoke from your tailpipe onto the helmetless riders behind you. In Ohio there are no environmental roadblocks between you and your car's registration.
  
• There are no rubber skirts on gas pumps to keep gas fumes from floating into the air.
  
• It is very difficult to recycle unless you are at a private home, and even then there are no special bins.
  
• People here are very large. I went to Walmart for some last minute wedding shopping and saw a wide array of rotund shoppers. I tried to fit in by getting a McFlurry at the in-store McDonald's.
  
• The airport wireless internet is free! Score one for Ohio.
  
• Gas is $0.70 cheaper or so. But I'm sure there's some evil reason for it.
  

But apart from being in Ohio, my trip out here has been really fun. The wedding was amazing, I got to play a lot of Wii Mario Kart, I saw a bunch of my friends that I don't see often, visited Magic Mountain with Flannery's sister's kids, and repeatedly lifted some toddlers over the back of a couch. They thought it was awesome, but the range of motion in my left shoulder seems to be somewhat reduced now.

And now it's time to board the plane and puzzle over the amazing mullets, shiny, new, bellybutton-high, tight, black wranglers, and the wisdom of naming your in store brand Faded Glory.