Kaiser Hippy

We're taking a class to learn about preparing for birth taught by a woman who seems to know her stuff but reminds me of a vegetarian Yoda. She makes little noises mid-sentence and last week, after introductions, she started the class by saying we should "get to the tofu of it."

One of our homework assignments was to come up with a list of 10 birth affirmations. We had to google birth affirmations to figure out how to write them: Imagine pregnant Stuart Smalley. I had to write more than 10 so we could edit them down a bit.

1. We will provide a loving home for the baby.
2. We will have a health and happy baby.
3. I crave healthful foods.
4. I want to exercise to help prepare me for birth.
5. I have an elastic perineum
   
6. I will be a good parent.
7. The baby will have a reasonably sized head
8. I can deal with very intense "sensation"
9. Vegans ate my lawn
10. Babies love islands
11. I will have a lots of support from my partner
12. We will remember the vaginal lubricant for baby poop number one.
13. The baby will be loved.
14. Babies love cats.
15. Red houses love babies.

I'm having some trouble connecting with the tofu California nature of the class offerings around these parts. I'm also having trouble deciding if I should write these in first person or not. Honestly, it doesn't really matter how elastic my perineum is, nor do I care to find out.