Colusa, CA - Land of the Large

Today I visited beautiful, historic, downtown Colusa to clear up a small traffic matter. While I was driving down from Portland last month the CHP decided I was going a little too fast and gave me a $405 ticket. I went up to request traffic-school which, bless the judge's heart, I was granted.

Before court I went to the bank to withdrawal my rent. The guy in front of me line was probably 5'5", and must have weighed 220 pounds. He was not the biggest guy I'd ever seen, but he was certainly showing off his curves via his outfit selection. He had on some very tight work pants which stuck close to his stick legs and followed his contours up to an abdomen that made sure the sun never hit his bright red and white basketball shoes. The rest of him was covered in a yellow, white, red, and neon blue, spandex sport shirt. It sort of said NASCAR to me, but I think that's because the busyness of the shirt reminded me of all those stickers they put on the cars. The man looked, and was shaped like a heavily sponsored candied apple.

In the court room one of the other traffic defendants came dressed for the judge in stretch pants and a stretch shirt which was 3 inches shy of covering her disturbingly hairy belly. My theory was that she planned to frighten the judge into dismissing her case.

In pot calling kettle news I've been keeping track of my weight for 2 months now, and at last check I'm exactly the same weight as when I started. On Friday morning I decided to get serious and really eat right and on Friday evening a package was waiting for me from the KQED membership department. It contained 4 gigantic Ghirardelli dark chocolate bars. Then last night I went to Napa for a nice family birthday dinner. On my way out the door I was loaded up* with an extra serving of mashed potatoes, steak, sautéed mushrooms, and 3/4 of a Boston cream pie.**

It looks like I'll be restricted to my fat jeans for a while.


* I made my own plate of leftovers, so I can't very well blame anyone on that point.

** I currently have 1/2 a Boston cream pie. We'll see if the pie can hold steady through breakfast.