No Fly Zone
(DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!!!)

It's a little hot today, so I opened my sliding glass door. While it's nice to have the breeze, the Mission District has all these smaller-than-house flies, but larger-than-fruit flies that come in and fly in little circles around my face. Because I'm bored, lonely, and a little strange, I tried to figure out some way to kill them.

Plan A: I have neither a fly swatter, bug spray, nor one of those cool tennis racquet shaped bug zapper things. What I do have though, are batteries, wire, and a lot of capacitors. So I tried to build a swingable bug zapper. After about an hour of tinkering, I figured out how to get some good amperage at 9V, but I only had enough wire to spread it across 1" X 1' strip. It's hard to hit a small nimble fly with something so small, and in my case something so opaque. (I strung the wires across a cardboard box lid with the middle cut out. So there was enough cardboard around the edge that it was hard to see through the middle and keep my eye on the fly.) That didn't work, on to Plan B.

Plan B: Fly-sized flame thrower. It's a little hard to aim, but very effective. When a fly takes a fireball to the face, the fly goes down. The idea is this: Hold a lighter in one hand, flame-on. In the other hand, aim a can of Binaca over the flame and away from yourself. When I fly comes in range, give it a blast of breath-freshening fire. At first I tried following them around, shooting flames hither and yon while they darted out of the way. Eventually I found it more effective to sit on the couch and wait for a fly to come circle in front of me. It took a little practice, but eventually I shot them all down.

Success: My apartment is insect free, and my living room has minty-fresh breath.