Potpourri
(As opposed to Potent Potables)

I know it's been too long since I've posted when blogger forgets who I am. If only my life were more exciting, or entertaining, or something. I think I need another pet to drive me nuts.

We have this patient at work that drives us nuts. Actually, the patient is very nice; it's her daughter that drives us nuts. She (the daughter) has tried every single one of our mattresses and deemed them unacceptable. And yet she demands we give her something else. It's not like we're holding out on her. It would behoove use to make her happy so she would go away.

The most exasperating part of the whole thing is that each time we give her another mattress to try she calls us up with some phantom problem that she wants me, and me only, to come over and investigate. And no, it's not because she likes me or anything. It's just I'm the only person who will take the time to crap out answers to her ridiculous questions.

And all her supposed problems with the mattress are things that I can neither see happen at the time, nor recreate later. She might as well call me up and ask me if I can get the aliens to stop giving her visions of the mother ship. Or if I can please do something about the kitchen elves stealing her pasta. No. I can't. Because these problems aren't real.

And now she's demanding a mattress that I know she'll hate. In fact she's already tried it and hated it and she's demanding it anyhow.

With a startling lack of transition, I don't think I'm cut out for this online dating thing. I don't know if my emails come on too strong, or not strong enough, or if I'm perhaps boring potential girlfriends to pieces. Whatever the issue may be, the result is that after an email or two they all disappear. In fact, the less I write the longer the correspondence will last. The only time I can get to the point of an actual first date is if I'm ambivalent about writing back in the first place. If I put in just the bare minimum effort so that I can come across as polite, I'm almost guaranteed a coffee date, which will go badly. I need to find a different method.

There needs to be some sort of monkdom that involves tinkering and does not involve religion.