The Holidays are Here

You know how I can tell? I'm freezing.

When I got home from work today my apartment was 58 degrees. Now, almost 3 hours later, it's 61.

"Turn on the heat!" You say. Well, one of the many illegal aspects of my apartment is that I don't have heat. I do own a space heater, but its job is to blow warm air on me when I'm in the bathroom, possibly while I'm talking on the phone.

I don't want it to multi-task so I'm headed to Costco this weekend to buy one for my living room. I just need to remember not to run it on at the same time as my bathroom heater as half my apartment runs on the same fuse. Last year I had my microwave on a timer delay while I was cooking dinner. I stepped into the bathroom, and so I didn't get toilet-seat frost bite, I turned on my heater. A few minutes into my bathroom visit my microwave kicked on and everything went very dark. (Luckily I usually carry a lighter and happened to have a votive candle in there that day.) I had to ask my landlord where the fuse box was, and she had to ask her uncle Joe, the same genius who installed my shower doors with a hammer. In this instance uncle Joe came through and told us where to click my power back on.

This weekend, if I'm careful, I'll have both light and warmth in my apartment.