Thursday, August 24, 2006

Onion Famine

Nobody has looked at my profile on the Onion Personals for 10 days now. I'm not sure what happened. This does not bode well. I wait for somebody to show interest, then pounce.

See, I don't send out emails asking anyone out. That's never worked. It costs 200 points to send out an email, and I'm not wild about spending my points on asking out a cold and unanswering universe. It's just as useful and much cheaper to pray for a date.

"Please god, send me a girl who likes travel, fine dining, to have a good time* but also likes a chill night at home watching a movie*."


* Are there people who dislike having a good time?
** Is she implying that watching a movie at home isn't fun?
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4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love you. Okay, maybe not you directly, because we don't actually know eachother at all, but I love your posts.

Hey, I was intrigued by your girlfriend dream post. Have you ever tried to control your dreams? You can, you know! I've done it. It's awesome. I love to dream. I look forward to it. I don't ever crash six stories to my death. I can fly.(not literally, only in dreams) I'm like Wonder Woman!! Seriously, stop all negative thoughts before you go to bed. Think only positive things about yourself, and the next time you're dreaming and find yourself falling, you WILL take flight. You can do it!! All you have to do is believe it.

8:05 PM
Michael said...

I have been able to control my dreams, but only to the tiniest extent. If I'm having a mildly bad dream or a REALLY weird dream sometimes my brain says, "This makes no sense. You are totally dreaming." At that point I go find something to jump off of knowing that falling wakes me up.

And I can often fly in my dreams too, but not in a wonder or super person kind of way. In general I have to flap my arms which doesn't look very graceful.

8:01 AM
Anonymous said...

Flapping arms - Good

Splat - Bad

Keep flapping! I need something interesting to read at night. Don't want you to break your fingers and stop writing!

Had a really bad day today and I'm hoping I can take my own advice tonight. Don't want to splat while I'm asleep like I did while I was awake today. I hate when that happens. If worse comes to worse, I'm going to try the flapping thing. Wish me luck!

2:59 PM
Anonymous said...

Hi there Mike,
I recently quit the whole online dating thing...just...not...me. Oh well. And then at Stern Grove I got asked out. Whaaaa? I don't know about this whole dating thing, maybe I'm just a misanthrope. (Maybe if you had gone you'd have a second date by now.)

We need to schedule a Tivo session, talk to Sheila and we'll feed you our famous vertigo meatloaf, swiss chard and garlic mashed potatoes...who could resist? Are you resisting? Resistance is futile, Sheila's tatters are awesome!

I realize now this should have been an email...hmmmm.

take care,
Marisela

3:44 PM

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