Moo
I'm quite happy with my new cow template, which used to be a lighthouse template until I killed most of the pictures and replaced them with my own. Now the rocks in the far lower right corner might be cow pies. Who can say for sure which they are?
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
The Christmas Miracles and the Boring Friday Night
The Christmas miracles of which I speak were thrice:
1) I'd been trying to get a piece of a bed bed frame for a customer for 6 months for a bed they had ordered over a year ago. First they sent the wrong part, then they said they didn't have it. Then they ignored me for 2 months. Then magically the part shows up from England on Wednesday, I bring it to the customer, the bed is finally done. Huzzah!
2) Usually when we try to fixed a purchased product we have to talk to 12 people at corporate and nobody seems to think it's their job to send parts. Nor does anyone know how to not charge the customer for the parts which should be under warranty. But on Thursday a customer asked for 3 parts to a bed frame, and I called one person in corporate who said he'd send the parts out right away. No mus, no fuss. It was worryingly amazing.
3) It's Friday night and I haven't been called to go do something that nobody else knows how to do.
Which has left me time to do this. I've dubbed it the Fire Pipe. Apparently butane is heavier than air. And after you've had it going for a while you can take the lighter off the far end and it burns for an addition couple of minutes, depending on how long your pipe is.
Fire sure is neat.
The Christmas miracles of which I speak were thrice:
1) I'd been trying to get a piece of a bed bed frame for a customer for 6 months for a bed they had ordered over a year ago. First they sent the wrong part, then they said they didn't have it. Then they ignored me for 2 months. Then magically the part shows up from England on Wednesday, I bring it to the customer, the bed is finally done. Huzzah!
2) Usually when we try to fixed a purchased product we have to talk to 12 people at corporate and nobody seems to think it's their job to send parts. Nor does anyone know how to not charge the customer for the parts which should be under warranty. But on Thursday a customer asked for 3 parts to a bed frame, and I called one person in corporate who said he'd send the parts out right away. No mus, no fuss. It was worryingly amazing.
3) It's Friday night and I haven't been called to go do something that nobody else knows how to do.
Which has left me time to do this. I've dubbed it the Fire Pipe. Apparently butane is heavier than air. And after you've had it going for a while you can take the lighter off the far end and it burns for an addition couple of minutes, depending on how long your pipe is.
Fire sure is neat.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Here Comes the Magic Bus
There's an excruciatingly lowered 60's era Volkswagen bus which has just overcome the cold weather and gravity to drive away up my hill.
It has two huge air intake vents on the side, which look rather like Wallace (as in and Grommit)'s ears, and a tailpipe which extends fully 2 feet out the back and which is held aloft by a bungee cord attached to the roof. It takes a good 5 minutes to warm up and sounds like its powered solely by flatulence.
It's just impracticle and retarded enough to be cool.
There's an excruciatingly lowered 60's era Volkswagen bus which has just overcome the cold weather and gravity to drive away up my hill.
It has two huge air intake vents on the side, which look rather like Wallace (as in and Grommit)'s ears, and a tailpipe which extends fully 2 feet out the back and which is held aloft by a bungee cord attached to the roof. It takes a good 5 minutes to warm up and sounds like its powered solely by flatulence.
It's just impracticle and retarded enough to be cool.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Three Men Walk Into a Bar. Clang, Clang, Clang.
A man walks into a strip mall wearing a sweater. As a very attractive girl walks past him and into a yoga studio, a sock falls out of his sweater.
Sounds like the beginning of a joke, doesn't it? No such luck, it was a portion of my Saturday.
And there's no punchline. I picked up the sock, said, "that's where this went," and continued on my way to the store I was looking for. The attractive yoga girl paid me no attention.
A man walks into a strip mall wearing a sweater. As a very attractive girl walks past him and into a yoga studio, a sock falls out of his sweater.
Sounds like the beginning of a joke, doesn't it? No such luck, it was a portion of my Saturday.
And there's no punchline. I picked up the sock, said, "that's where this went," and continued on my way to the store I was looking for. The attractive yoga girl paid me no attention.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Couldn't Think of a Title
Christmas is inadvertently overwhelming me. I've got all my Christmas shopping done, but all the ancillary actives are using up all my time.
- I need to research how I'm going to get to the airport at 7:05am on Christmas Eve.
- My apartment desperately needs cleaning before I go so I don't come back to a fuzz-covered carpet.
- My laundry needs doing, but I can't seem to find a spare evening in which to do it.
- I need to wrap a present for my landlord which requires buying some wrapping paper. (I usually wrap things in stolen pages from the huge stack of Chinese newspapers in the garage, but I don't think she'd feel that was very festive.)
- I've received several Christmas cards in the mail - the kind with pictures and letters summarizing the past year. I kind of feel like I should write one, but I just don't know if I can summon the motivation to do it. Especially when I realize that nobody will get it until New Years.
In other frustrating news, I've just finished a disappointing dinner of milk and truffles. (The chocolates not the pig discovered fungi.) The disappointment by no means stems from the truffles, they were home-made-not-by-me and therefor delicious. No, the disappointment comes from me waiting two hours for the oven to finish a Butter Ball turkey roast, and now I can't figure out how to get the turkey out of its stupid elastic hairnet thing. The little card on the outside of the package said specifically to cook the turkey roast skin-side down inside the netting. I did so and now the netting is a permanent part of the turkey and my left pointer finger and thumb are tender from turkey burns.
I'm going to let the turkey cool, finish the episode of Man Versus Wild I started this morning, and hope that the African savanna into which Bear parachuted while I ate breakfast gives me some insight on freeing turkey bits from a spandex meat net.
Christmas is inadvertently overwhelming me. I've got all my Christmas shopping done, but all the ancillary actives are using up all my time.
- I need to research how I'm going to get to the airport at 7:05am on Christmas Eve.
- My apartment desperately needs cleaning before I go so I don't come back to a fuzz-covered carpet.
- My laundry needs doing, but I can't seem to find a spare evening in which to do it.
- I need to wrap a present for my landlord which requires buying some wrapping paper. (I usually wrap things in stolen pages from the huge stack of Chinese newspapers in the garage, but I don't think she'd feel that was very festive.)
- I've received several Christmas cards in the mail - the kind with pictures and letters summarizing the past year. I kind of feel like I should write one, but I just don't know if I can summon the motivation to do it. Especially when I realize that nobody will get it until New Years.
In other frustrating news, I've just finished a disappointing dinner of milk and truffles. (The chocolates not the pig discovered fungi.) The disappointment by no means stems from the truffles, they were home-made-not-by-me and therefor delicious. No, the disappointment comes from me waiting two hours for the oven to finish a Butter Ball turkey roast, and now I can't figure out how to get the turkey out of its stupid elastic hairnet thing. The little card on the outside of the package said specifically to cook the turkey roast skin-side down inside the netting. I did so and now the netting is a permanent part of the turkey and my left pointer finger and thumb are tender from turkey burns.
I'm going to let the turkey cool, finish the episode of Man Versus Wild I started this morning, and hope that the African savanna into which Bear parachuted while I ate breakfast gives me some insight on freeing turkey bits from a spandex meat net.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
A Very Long Night
Friday sucked.
Sacramento called at 4pm and said they needed a bariatric suite. For those who aren't in the know, a bariatric suite includes a hospital bed, a wheelchair, a commode, and a walker for a VERY large and bed bound patient. (The particular bed the requested can hold a 1000lb person, though this guy wasn't even close to that big.)
Since they called at 4pm on a Friday, normally the guy who's on call would deliver everything Saturday morning. Unfortunately the guy who was on call had never delivered a bariatric bed frame and therefor didn't know how to load it, unload it, set the scale, build the fracture frame, or where the serial numbers were on any of the equipment. (I've worked at my company for a little over 2 years. He's worked there a little over 3.) When I started to explain how everything worked he looked like he was about to wet himself. As pained as his expression was then, I could only imagine how many phone calls I would get as he tried to figure everything out while I was trying to enjoy my Saturday.
Ring, which way does the mattress go? It doesn't matter.
Ring, why doesn't the scale work? Because the bed isn't plugged in.
Ring, I forgot the bucket for the commode.
So I loaded up the wheelchair and walker and set off toward Stockton, where our only available bed frame was living. Let me tell you, 580W at 5pm is an absolute treat. 80 mph, then 5. Then 45, then 0. And for no reason. There were no accidents, it was just that everybody would speed up at the same time then slam on their brakes.
I got to Stockton at 8pm, and had to wedge my van between storage spaces so my headlights pointed into the bed lair. It's a normal storage space during the day, but it just so happens to be in a spot where none of the outside lights shine through the door. It gives the place a kind of spooky den of mattresses feel. Like you might be found in the morning smothered but evenly supported under a pile of foam matts.
Once I arranged all the crap in the storage space in such a way that I could maneuver the bed frame, I had to move the van which was both helpfully lighting the space, but also blocking the door.
After I got the bed loaded I set off toward Sacramento through a newly blossoming storm.
Let me take a moment here to talk about Ford headlights. I can't speak for their entire vehicle line, but the 2000 E150 headlights are about as helpful at lighting up the road as I am with providing advice for wooing the ladies. In short, they're abysmal. There's nothing like driving through the wind and pouring rain, semi mist being smudged around by my "windshield wipers", while my headlights do their best impression of 99 cent D-cell flashlights.
As I pulled into the facility's parking lot the loading zone streetlight went out. (Streetlights are always going out on me, and I have no idea why. I think it's a feud at this point. Whenever they go out I flip them the bird, and when ever they see my they go out.) So I unloaded the whole shebang in the rain, through the dark, and into the darkest end of the facility.
It's really creepy putting together a bariatric fracture frame in a dark and silent hallway of a skilled nursing facility. I felt like I should be sneaking into everybody's room and stealing their blood pressure medication.
After I had everything unloaded, set up, and explained, I climbed back into the van to head home. As I started the engine the streetlight came back on. Jerk.
My drive home was full of Arizona Green Tea and an embarrassingly large box of Hot Tamales. When I arrived at my doorstep at midnight after an excruciatingly long 15 hour day caused by somebody else's ignorance, I really needed to brush my teeth.
Luckily Karma's a bitch. On Saturday the afore mentioned ignorant guy got a call to go to Fresno, which is an 8 hour round trip. Half way there his alternator went out and he had to sit around and wait for a tow truck for several hours. He got home at midnight. Ha.
Friday sucked.
Sacramento called at 4pm and said they needed a bariatric suite. For those who aren't in the know, a bariatric suite includes a hospital bed, a wheelchair, a commode, and a walker for a VERY large and bed bound patient. (The particular bed the requested can hold a 1000lb person, though this guy wasn't even close to that big.)
Since they called at 4pm on a Friday, normally the guy who's on call would deliver everything Saturday morning. Unfortunately the guy who was on call had never delivered a bariatric bed frame and therefor didn't know how to load it, unload it, set the scale, build the fracture frame, or where the serial numbers were on any of the equipment. (I've worked at my company for a little over 2 years. He's worked there a little over 3.) When I started to explain how everything worked he looked like he was about to wet himself. As pained as his expression was then, I could only imagine how many phone calls I would get as he tried to figure everything out while I was trying to enjoy my Saturday.
Ring, which way does the mattress go? It doesn't matter.
Ring, why doesn't the scale work? Because the bed isn't plugged in.
Ring, I forgot the bucket for the commode.
So I loaded up the wheelchair and walker and set off toward Stockton, where our only available bed frame was living. Let me tell you, 580W at 5pm is an absolute treat. 80 mph, then 5. Then 45, then 0. And for no reason. There were no accidents, it was just that everybody would speed up at the same time then slam on their brakes.
I got to Stockton at 8pm, and had to wedge my van between storage spaces so my headlights pointed into the bed lair. It's a normal storage space during the day, but it just so happens to be in a spot where none of the outside lights shine through the door. It gives the place a kind of spooky den of mattresses feel. Like you might be found in the morning smothered but evenly supported under a pile of foam matts.
Once I arranged all the crap in the storage space in such a way that I could maneuver the bed frame, I had to move the van which was both helpfully lighting the space, but also blocking the door.
After I got the bed loaded I set off toward Sacramento through a newly blossoming storm.
Let me take a moment here to talk about Ford headlights. I can't speak for their entire vehicle line, but the 2000 E150 headlights are about as helpful at lighting up the road as I am with providing advice for wooing the ladies. In short, they're abysmal. There's nothing like driving through the wind and pouring rain, semi mist being smudged around by my "windshield wipers", while my headlights do their best impression of 99 cent D-cell flashlights.
As I pulled into the facility's parking lot the loading zone streetlight went out. (Streetlights are always going out on me, and I have no idea why. I think it's a feud at this point. Whenever they go out I flip them the bird, and when ever they see my they go out.) So I unloaded the whole shebang in the rain, through the dark, and into the darkest end of the facility.
It's really creepy putting together a bariatric fracture frame in a dark and silent hallway of a skilled nursing facility. I felt like I should be sneaking into everybody's room and stealing their blood pressure medication.
After I had everything unloaded, set up, and explained, I climbed back into the van to head home. As I started the engine the streetlight came back on. Jerk.
My drive home was full of Arizona Green Tea and an embarrassingly large box of Hot Tamales. When I arrived at my doorstep at midnight after an excruciatingly long 15 hour day caused by somebody else's ignorance, I really needed to brush my teeth.
Luckily Karma's a bitch. On Saturday the afore mentioned ignorant guy got a call to go to Fresno, which is an 8 hour round trip. Half way there his alternator went out and he had to sit around and wait for a tow truck for several hours. He got home at midnight. Ha.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Electric Plant Waterer Revealed!
Here it is! I couldn't find a good box to mount it in, so it's still only sort of done. When I find a good box I'll put it together for real which will improve things in the following ways:
- I won't need the pot holders to muffle the sound of the compressor.
- I'll put a switch plate on top of the dimmer switch for a more professional look.
- I'll have something to screw the dimmer switch to so it doesn't fall out.
- Tape won't have to be employed to hold the box together.
Without further ado, here it is:
The whole shebang. Isn't she beautiful?
The Kadel Engineering tank. (No relation.)
The box which holds the dimmer switch, air compressor, and the plug.
The sheer power of the electric plant waterer with the compressor turned up (via the dimmer switch) full blast.
The tender watering ability when the dimmer is turned down about half way. Past half way and the compressor just hums and nothing comes out.
Ta da! I'm sure it wasn't worth the wait.
Here it is! I couldn't find a good box to mount it in, so it's still only sort of done. When I find a good box I'll put it together for real which will improve things in the following ways:
- I won't need the pot holders to muffle the sound of the compressor.
- I'll put a switch plate on top of the dimmer switch for a more professional look.
- I'll have something to screw the dimmer switch to so it doesn't fall out.
- Tape won't have to be employed to hold the box together.
Without further ado, here it is:
The whole shebang. Isn't she beautiful?
The Kadel Engineering tank. (No relation.)
The box which holds the dimmer switch, air compressor, and the plug.
The sheer power of the electric plant waterer with the compressor turned up (via the dimmer switch) full blast.
The tender watering ability when the dimmer is turned down about half way. Past half way and the compressor just hums and nothing comes out.
Ta da! I'm sure it wasn't worth the wait.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Delayed
My trip to Home Depot to finish up my electric plant waterer has been delayed by laziness. Laziness and the fact that I didn't get up earlier due to my working 15 hours yesterday. I'll go into all of that tomorrow.
There are two things wrong with this post:
1) It's boring.
2) It assumes that somebody is going to come looking for my electric plant waterer and be disappointed when they aren't here, but read this post and feel better about having to wait another day.
I have a half a mind not to push publish.
My trip to Home Depot to finish up my electric plant waterer has been delayed by laziness. Laziness and the fact that I didn't get up earlier due to my working 15 hours yesterday. I'll go into all of that tomorrow.
There are two things wrong with this post:
1) It's boring.
2) It assumes that somebody is going to come looking for my electric plant waterer and be disappointed when they aren't here, but read this post and feel better about having to wait another day.
I have a half a mind not to push publish.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
My Oeuvre of Stuff Nobody Needs ...
Will soon be expanding into the (possibly dangerous) realm of electric plant watering devices. A quick trip to Home Depot on Saturday will finish off my supply needs and I'll have pictures available so the world can better imagine what they'll soon be coveting.
Tonight I tested the basic theory and components, and they worked like a charm (before they blew the GFI outlet in my kitchen.) It's going to be awesome!
Will soon be expanding into the (possibly dangerous) realm of electric plant watering devices. A quick trip to Home Depot on Saturday will finish off my supply needs and I'll have pictures available so the world can better imagine what they'll soon be coveting.
Tonight I tested the basic theory and components, and they worked like a charm (before they blew the GFI outlet in my kitchen.) It's going to be awesome!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Target, The Holiday Cactus, and a Digital-Dual-Heat-Oscillating Apartment Improver
So nobody passes out from suspense, yes, I got a space heater this weekend. Though not from Costco. The jerks sold them all before I got there. No, I had to go to Target on Sunday and buy this little gem:
(My sole source of heat.)
It oscillates. It had a digital thermometer. It has two heat settings, so I can run my microwave and heat up my apartment at the same time. It has a stately white plastic shell which brings to mind Kenny from South Park if he were to put on a fencing mask. It's amazing!
After my failed attempt to buy a space heater at Costco, I went to my friend Karen's house. Her living room is all decked out in Christmas lights and she has a little light and candy cane covered Christmas tree which sits on a book shelf looking festive and smelling delicious.
My apartment, unfortunately, is really too small to hold even a small potted Christmas tree like Karen has. My holiday cactus died back in 2005, and since I sleep next to where any plants have to live, I'm not about to get another one.
(The cactus of Christmas past.)
But Target plans ahead. For those of use with tiny apartments, Target offers the Christmas-tree shaped holiday rosemary bush. It's the perfect shape to cover with Christmas, small enough to not cover my bedroom window, and has enough foliage to hold the tradition aluminum foil holiday plant Star of David. And even though Scarborough Fair seems to be running through my head a lot, I'm pleased with how it turned out.
(Plants huddled up to my window.)
So nobody passes out from suspense, yes, I got a space heater this weekend. Though not from Costco. The jerks sold them all before I got there. No, I had to go to Target on Sunday and buy this little gem:
It oscillates. It had a digital thermometer. It has two heat settings, so I can run my microwave and heat up my apartment at the same time. It has a stately white plastic shell which brings to mind Kenny from South Park if he were to put on a fencing mask. It's amazing!
After my failed attempt to buy a space heater at Costco, I went to my friend Karen's house. Her living room is all decked out in Christmas lights and she has a little light and candy cane covered Christmas tree which sits on a book shelf looking festive and smelling delicious.
My apartment, unfortunately, is really too small to hold even a small potted Christmas tree like Karen has. My holiday cactus died back in 2005, and since I sleep next to where any plants have to live, I'm not about to get another one.
But Target plans ahead. For those of use with tiny apartments, Target offers the Christmas-tree shaped holiday rosemary bush. It's the perfect shape to cover with Christmas, small enough to not cover my bedroom window, and has enough foliage to hold the tradition aluminum foil holiday plant Star of David. And even though Scarborough Fair seems to be running through my head a lot, I'm pleased with how it turned out.
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