A Very Long Night

Friday sucked.

Sacramento called at 4pm and said they needed a bariatric suite. For those who aren't in the know, a bariatric suite includes a hospital bed, a wheelchair, a commode, and a walker for a VERY large and bed bound patient. (The particular bed the requested can hold a 1000lb person, though this guy wasn't even close to that big.)

Since they called at 4pm on a Friday, normally the guy who's on call would deliver everything Saturday morning. Unfortunately the guy who was on call had never delivered a bariatric bed frame and therefor didn't know how to load it, unload it, set the scale, build the fracture frame, or where the serial numbers were on any of the equipment. (I've worked at my company for a little over 2 years. He's worked there a little over 3.) When I started to explain how everything worked he looked like he was about to wet himself. As pained as his expression was then, I could only imagine how many phone calls I would get as he tried to figure everything out while I was trying to enjoy my Saturday.

Ring, which way does the mattress go? It doesn't matter.
Ring, why doesn't the scale work? Because the bed isn't plugged in.
Ring, I forgot the bucket for the commode.

So I loaded up the wheelchair and walker and set off toward Stockton, where our only available bed frame was living. Let me tell you, 580W at 5pm is an absolute treat. 80 mph, then 5. Then 45, then 0. And for no reason. There were no accidents, it was just that everybody would speed up at the same time then slam on their brakes.

I got to Stockton at 8pm, and had to wedge my van between storage spaces so my headlights pointed into the bed lair. It's a normal storage space during the day, but it just so happens to be in a spot where none of the outside lights shine through the door. It gives the place a kind of spooky den of mattresses feel. Like you might be found in the morning smothered but evenly supported under a pile of foam matts.

Once I arranged all the crap in the storage space in such a way that I could maneuver the bed frame, I had to move the van which was both helpfully lighting the space, but also blocking the door.

After I got the bed loaded I set off toward Sacramento through a newly blossoming storm.

Let me take a moment here to talk about Ford headlights. I can't speak for their entire vehicle line, but the 2000 E150 headlights are about as helpful at lighting up the road as I am with providing advice for wooing the ladies. In short, they're abysmal. There's nothing like driving through the wind and pouring rain, semi mist being smudged around by my "windshield wipers", while my headlights do their best impression of 99 cent D-cell flashlights.

As I pulled into the facility's parking lot the loading zone streetlight went out. (Streetlights are always going out on me, and I have no idea why. I think it's a feud at this point. Whenever they go out I flip them the bird, and when ever they see my they go out.) So I unloaded the whole shebang in the rain, through the dark, and into the darkest end of the facility.

It's really creepy putting together a bariatric fracture frame in a dark and silent hallway of a skilled nursing facility. I felt like I should be sneaking into everybody's room and stealing their blood pressure medication.

After I had everything unloaded, set up, and explained, I climbed back into the van to head home. As I started the engine the streetlight came back on. Jerk.

My drive home was full of Arizona Green Tea and an embarrassingly large box of Hot Tamales. When I arrived at my doorstep at midnight after an excruciatingly long 15 hour day caused by somebody else's ignorance, I really needed to brush my teeth.

Luckily Karma's a bitch. On Saturday the afore mentioned ignorant guy got a call to go to Fresno, which is an 8 hour round trip. Half way there his alternator went out and he had to sit around and wait for a tow truck for several hours. He got home at midnight. Ha.