Stop Biting You Fool!

Tonight I tried to eat a pepperoncini. Tried and failed. I started to take a bite and a little jet of pepperoncini juice shot across the table. At this point a wiser man would have put the pepper down, but I am not a wise man. I thought, "a little juice came out. It's probably empty now." It wasn't.

I took a much bigger bite and a jet of pepperoncini juice went all over the table, the money, the chair across the table from me, and worst of all, up my left nostril. When my teeth finally cleared the backside of the beast the rest of the pepperoncini's vast juice reservoir dumped all over my side of the table. I think the Punchline Comedy Club, who was kind enough to give me 10 free tickets, will never smell the same again. Even if it does, I won't notice since all smells taken in through the left side of my nose are overpowered my essence of pepperoncini - the most juice pepperoncini that ever existed.