Tech Support

Since the wireless signal in my room hovers between 32% and 7%, (depended apparently on how uncomfortable the work surface is: high table and broken chair = 32, sofa = 7) I stopped by the front desk to ask if they had the handy data port adapters that the other Comfort Inn has.

They guy behind the counter looked up from his file-o-fax and said, in the thickest New York accent this side of New York:

"Yeah, it doesn't work so good in this weather. [Which is totally wrong.] Those security guys come out here and they mess with the wireless bowl, and now it's under the desk, and I know it don't belong there. So we keeps calling them up, and they keeps telling us that it works fine, but it don't, especially not in this weather. And we had those boxes but people keep checkin' 'em out and then they don't come back at 225 a pop. So we don't know what to do, ya know? Come down here and get a lock on the signal and then go back to your room. Easy as pie. If I were a computer guy, I don't know. What a racket they got."

I started to back away at about "225 a pop," and said thanks anyway from about half way up the stairs.

The front desk people are really just a wealth of information.

When I checked in the desk was manned by a pale, white, mouth-breather with bleached white hair and a soul-patch. As I walked in his friend was walking out and he called after him, "You not comin' to the party dawg?!? Don't be playin' me like dat! Are you playin'? Nah, you still comin'. You still my dawg, dawg."

When I asked about checking in he said I had to wait until 3 o'clock, so I sat in the lobby and read my book.

20 minutes later he slipped out from behind the desk to procure some reece's pieces from the candy machine. He put is quarter in and turned the crank, and nothing happened. He looked at me and yelled, "Oh hell no! Can you believe dis shit? This machine tryin' to burn me fo' a quarter. I ain't havin' none of dat shit." And he shook it until his reeses pieces came out. "Hell yeah!" He exclaimed, now totally satisfied. "I got me my handful of pieces."