Master of Love

Having trouble with your relationship? You should hire me to come fix it, at least in the short term. I seem to have the ability to make girls cling to their boyfriends with a mere glance.

I went to see My Morning Jacket at the Fillmore last night. To summarize the parts of evening which are not related to the subject at hand real quick: The show was okay, the Fillmore gives away free apples and I ate two, and on the way back to my car I found a orange mesh-back hat which says "Jägermeister Musicians Tour" on the front, and I had a shepherd's pie for dinner. All and all a relatively good night.

Anyhow, back to my special powers. In the midst of getting a little bored with the show I started to look around at my fellow concert goers and rediscovered the fact that hot girls go to concerts. I feel like any 10 girls from regular life would lose out to any group of 10 from a concert in a beauty contest. I don't know why this is, but I always find it to be so when I go to a show. You know? Whoa. Go with the flow, Joe. Yo!

As I was looking around at all concert ladies, I noticed that every time I looked at one she would immediately clamp on to her boyfriend. Sometimes a girl who had seemingly come alone would create a boyfriend from thin air and clamp on to him. I believe that it was Einstein who postulated that matter can neither be created nor destroyed, i.e. you can't make something from nothing. But apparently with one look from me the laws are physics are no match for love.

I'm not sure what all this means, but I've narrowed it down to 2 conclusions. 1) I have magical powers ala Aphrodite. 2) I'm even creepier than I previously assumed. So creepy I can call boyfriends into existence with a simple glance.