Waiting In Line

Last Sunday I was in the Portland airport waiting for my flight back to Oakland. I flew into Oakland because I was on Southwest (Cattle Car Airlines). Our plane was delayed 40 minutes, so all us passengers were patiently sitting around waiting to board.

Now, anyone who has been on a Southwest flight, or has walked by a Southwest gate will know that they divide people into 3 boarding groups. There is some magical moment when people decide they need to get out of their seats and start lining up by the gates for groups A through C.

This moment came on Sunday, but in a different way. The person sitting in a chair right next to the entrance for group A put her bag down. Then the people next to her put their bags down behind hers. So I put my bag behind theirs and a guy put his bag down behind mine. People started doing this in group B as well. But after so many bags are in line, you aren't really sitting close enough to your bag to not worry someone is going to search it, so pretty soon people sat in line as well.

This whole unspoken but mutually agreed upon arrangement irked the couple next to me something fierce. (Due to his choice of footwear and her vocal attributes, I'll call them Marshmallow Feet and Queen Emphysema.)

MF: Look at these people put their bags in line. I can't believe this.
QE: Who started this nonsense?
MF: The people next to us.

Ok. I'M sitting next to you and I can hear you just fine, Ass.

MF: I mean, I'm competitive, but I don't have to be first for everything. When traveling, I like to go with the flow. Who needs all this stress?
QE: Yeah, who cares who gets on first?
[5 minutes pass]
MF: This bag in line stuff is really stupid. Your suitcase doesn't represent you, your body represents you. It's not right at all.
QE: Why is there a line at all? We're not even boarding for a half hour?
[5 minutes pass]
MF: [Mockingly] Could I put my sweatshirt in line? It represents who I am better that my suitcase does.
QE: Yes, it says Hoosiers on it. You went to school there.
[5 minutes pass]
MF: Could I put my book in line? Would that count? My book represents me better than a suit case.
QE: You could put your name in it.
MF: Yeah, and then if somebody asked if I was in line I could say, "Yeah. See? My name is in this book. It represents me."

Then they complained about the wheelchair helpers asking for a tip. ("Why should they get a tip? They just pushed a chair around." and "Those people don't looook handicapped") After that they complained about an announcement asking people to give up their tickets for a $200 travel voucher and the price of their ticket to go on a later flight. ("Why would anyone give up their ticket? It's only $200. I mean, you'd have to wait 2 HOURS.")

Then Southwest started boarding. And you know what? Marshmallow feet and Queen Emphysema CUT IN LINE!!!! They got up, and stepped right behind me in line IN FRONT OF THE GIRL WHO HAD WAITED WITH HER BODY IN LINE!!! They cut in front of somebody who was abiding by their own stupid rules.

I wished their plane would go down until I realized it was my plane too. So then I hoped their luggage would get lost. Yeah, payback is a bitch.