Toast

9pm. San Francisco, The Mission District:

As a silver Land Rover pulls up to the curb, a man steps from the inky shadows wearing baggy pants and a baggy shirt, and carrying a small shiny box. The passenger window hums down and the man passes the box into the car. The woman driving puts out her cigarette in the ash tray and asks, "you said this shit works?" The man responds that it does, and money is exchanged. The man walks home happy, $5 richer and with one less toaster to move to his new place. The woman drives home secure in the knoledge that her friend "won't be making no more one-sided burnt-ass toast in her ghetto shit toaster no more."

Earlier in the day I sold my keyboard to an extremely religious man with slicked-back hair an anorexically skinny wife. I brought the keyboard to his house, and after he decided to buy it, offered me the $80 I had asked for it plus a stray cat. I said yes to the money and no to the cat who, as it happened, had 6 toes on his right front paw.

Hello. You clawed my Father. Prepare to go home with this stranger.

The following is the toaster ad that started it all:

Toaster - $5 (mission district)
Reply to: anon@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-24, 8:59PM PDT


This toaster makes 2 pieces of toast at a time, has shiny sides and a real fake wood front. So as not to be too fancy, the back is black plastic. It has a crumb hatch on the bottom and a darkness selector on the front. It would be perfect if I wanted to make toast, but I don’t and it shows no love for my bagels.

Email me if you would like to make some toast.