How Does One Go About

Teaching a kitteen* not to bite while at the same time trying to clip her nails? Don't girls like pedicures?

Norbert has a little game she likes to play called Gently Stab Awake. The title isn't very creative, but what are going to do? She's a cat. The game involves getting up at 3am and slowly and carefully extending a paw until it reaches one of my exposed and sleeping arms, then gently stabbing me with a single claw until I wake up and pull my arms under the covers.

Round 2 is just like round 1 except, since round 1 only happened 15 minutes ago, it doesn't take me as long to wake up. Round 2 concludes with me shooting Norbert in the face with a can of compressed air.

Round 3 is another 15 minutes down the line, and exactly the same as round 2 except this time I take the can of compressed air under the covers so it'll be ready for round 4.

Round 4 commences with a stab (or sometimes a bite), and then is followed by a retaliatory filling of my covers with propellant (which is coooooold), me flailing about in my sheets, me moving the frozen sheet away from my frozen shirtless torso, and then shooting Norbert in the face with a right-side-up can of compressed air.

She made the game a little harder last night by stealing the red air-aiming tube. I'll have to look for it before playoffs.


*Not a typo - between kitten and cat.