Cooking with Stupid

Tonight I made what looks like a very nice meal.



It includes pre-marinated chicken, basmati rice, and asparagus.

Directions:

Chicken:
Warm a pan on stove while you open the chicken.
Put the chicken on the warm pan.
Watch in horror as the chicken immediately becomes one with pan.
Frantically search the kitchen for any sort of oil.
Find some extra virgin olive oil in fridge, open the lid, and shake the bottle over the pan.
Try to figure out why no oil comes out.
Look into the bottle to see a white crust which has imprisoned the oil.
Make a mental note to throw out the oil.
Decide to put margarine on the chicken when you flip it over.
Flip chicken.
Ask yourself why you didn't put the margined on.
Cook until the chicken is both burnt and rubbery.

Rice:
Mix rice and water in another saucepan and bring them to a boil.
Turn the heat down to a simmer and look for the lid.
Use a plate because you don't have a lid for that pan.
Shoot rice juice all over the oven by keeping the heat too high.
Turn the heat down and simmer for 15 minutes, or until the rice on top is wet and the rice on the bottom is solid and black and forever stuck to the bottom of the pan.

Asparagus:
Put the asparagus in a loaf pan with water.
Microwave on high for 6 minutes.
Put margarine on top.

Serve all together on a plate and eat it, but not because it tastes good*, but because you don't want to waste all that "food." Put the leftovers on a plate in the fridge to suffer through tomorrow.


*The asparagus was fine, though a bit soggy.