Won't You Be My Neighbor

I have new neighbors upstairs, and I hate them already. Granted, they are MUCH better than Gonzo and Bitch were, but then again, both Piranha Man and Spanky are/were better than the dreaded G&B.

(I was trying to figure out if I've ever mentioned Spanky here, but I seem to have no way of searching my past entries. At the risk of redundancy, I shall explain who he was: Spanky was a house DJ who lived directly above me. Part of my problem with him was that I would be trying to sleep but couldn't, because of the constant thump, thump, thump of his house beats coming through my ceiling. While irritating, it didn't earn him the name Spanky. What did was the summer evening when all of us fire escape neighbors had our windows open. I was trying to sleep and Spanky was upstairs getting busy. I heard the headboard up against the wall, whack, whack, whack, whack, and Spanky making happy Spanky noises. Then silence. Then the sound of hand on ass: smack, smack, smack. A female's voice, "Ow! Gently!" From that point on he was known as Spanky.)

The new neighbors, who shall remain nicknameless for the time being, are irritating in a new and creative way. It's two women and two very small dogs, all of whom have shrill but loud voices. The woman whose room is nearest the fire escape likes to call the dogs to her, then yell at them to get off the bed. She can do this for nearly an hour before the dog pees on the bed, no doubt in protest of the stupidity of the game. She doesn't like having her bed peed on, so she yells at the dog some more and shuts him out of the room. At this point she starts to sing. (This is the stage she is in now.) Her voice falls into that special range of not being bad enough to be funny, ala Piranha Man, but not quite good enough to want to listen to.

So Singy McDog Urine (I'll come up with something better eventually) has taken over the role of most annoying neighbor. After G&B left, it was re-occupied by Piranha Man with his falling asleep in front of the TV and snoring. I tried to solve the TV portion by climbing in his window one day after I was sure he was not home, and trying to program my bed-side universal remote to turn off his TV. Alas, my remote wasn't compatible. (I ask you, who buys a Portland brand TV?) So I instead solved all my evening sound problems by aiming a fan at my head before going to sleep. Low for quite noises, Medium for singing, and Hi for techno.

One day I will own a house with twice the normal insulation and A/C, at least in my bedroom. Or perhaps I can find the Cone of Silence from Get Smart on eBay and sleep in that. Whatever works.