How To Make Burritos

I started the process by going to Trader Joes, where the ratio of attractive shoppers to unattractive shoppers is oddly high. It's not like they don't sell things that are bad for you. The person in front of me in line was buying an entire red basket full of cookies.

Next stop was Safeway where, oddly enough, both girls in my line were also attractive, and happened to both be wearing cowboy boots. Though the booted girl behind me ended up leaving due to the mind numbing slowness of the first guy in line.

After all his items were scanned, he told the cashier he wanted some cigarettes. Evidentially he didn't know what brand he wanted, because he stared at the cigarette case for literally 2 minutes, finally choosing a brand. Then putting them back and choosing another brand. After successfully procuring his cigies, he ambled back over to the counter to pay his $11.83 total by slowly doling $11 in ones on to the conveyer belt. After the cashier picked up the little pile of money he pointed out that he still needed 83 cents. The man sighed a heavy sigh and counted out 83 cents in pennies, nickels, and dimes. But mostly pennies and nickels.

The man behind him, allegedly talking to himself, said, "dear lord I have never waited in line so long."

The man behind both of them was me, and I was looking at the girl in the cowboy boots who was busy being offended by the man who was vocally experiencing the longest wait of his life.

On to the burritos:

-Add one package of ground beef to frying pan*. Set the temperature on the burner such that it doesn't burn the beef, but still lets you try to clean the fridge for a while. (4)
-Empty the fridge of a half a can of heavily bearded round things, a plastic bag of slime (with stem), and a 2 year old bottle of alfredo sauce.
-Hope newly cleaned fridge will stop infusing my milk and the Brita with "fridge tang." (I was hoping to tell a difference, but I have a cold so my normally Cate like sense of smell has gone AWOL.)
-Turn up the heat to cook the beef faster. (7)
-Add 1 can of refried beans and the rest of the salsa.
-Mix it all around while trying to avoid getting too much ground beef all over the stovetop with a motion that can best be described as gooshing.
-Clean all the ground beef off the stovetop.
-Add concoction to tortilla shells and cold ingredients including cheese and, most importantly, black olives.
-Serve with milk and watch the Family Guy.

And that's how you make my apartment famous burritos. (As apposed to world famous. I don't think anyone else has ever eaten my burritos.)

*This is as specific as I can get. I try to buy a package which is bigger than tiny and smaller than family size.