Nude Underhead

You can all stop holding your collective breath. The wait is over and the results are in: I still can't grow a goatee.

There are 3 problems as I see it:
1) The whiskers I do have grow too far apart. A very fat chin louse could stroll amongst them and not brush against a single one.
2) My whiskers grow straight out. I'm sure that's how they are supposed to grow, but if they grew out and then sideways, or lay down or something, they would cover a lot more surface area. Not to get too mathy, but my chin looked like it was all covered in hair when viewed perpendicularly to the direction of whisker growth. When the viewing angle was parallel to the whisker direction, it looked hair free.
3) A good third of my chin hairs are blond. When nobody is growing close enough to their neighbor to begin with, being blond and invisible doesn’t help hide my chin skin.

Alas, my chin stays nude and my legs stay encased in hair pants.

And now, facial hair haikus:

Hairs burst from my chin
Only to survey my face
And decide to suck

The lonely whisker
Wonders why other whiskers
Will not grow close by

Sneaky blond chin hair
Knows he is invisible
Plans to spy on girls